10 Weird and Wonderful Love Letters from the Past

10 Weird and Wonderful Love Letters from the Past

Natasha sheldon - March 25, 2018

10 Weird and Wonderful Love Letters from the Past
Portrait of Mozart by Barbara Kraft. Wikimedia Commons.

Mozart’s Basle Letters

When Mozart first met Maria Anna Thekla Mozart in 1777, the two cousins immediately hit it off. The young composer was in the German city of Augsburg looking for work, providing him with the opportunity to reacquaint himself with his relatives. Maria was the nineteen-year-old daughter of Mozart’s Uncle, Franz Alois Mozart. During the visit, which lasted only between October 11 to the 26, the young couple developed a close relationship. This connection resulted in a series of letters, known as the Basle letters after the term of endearment Mozart used for Maria: Basle Hasle or “little Bunny Cousin.”

It is quite easy to understand why Maria possibly hoped to marry her cousin. Mozart’s letters to her are affectionate, flirtatious and very intimate in their language. The composer shows himself to have a sense of humor. Mozart’s letters were not straight prose; he employed rhyming and scatological humor to liven them up. However, Mozart’s letters also reveal something else: his bizarre obsession with all things anal.

“Dearest Cozz Buzz!” began one written on November 5, 1777, “I have received reprieved your highly esteemed writing biting, and I have noted doted that my Uncle Garfuncle, my Aunt Slant and you too are all well mell.” The letter continues in the same vein. However, halfway through, the first anal reference occurs. Mozart had promised to send Maria his portrait: ” Eh bien, I shall mail fail it for sure, ” he promised, ” Oui, by the love of my skin, I shit on your nose, so it runs down your chin.

The anal references did not end there. “I now wish you goodnight,” said Mozart, as he rounded off his message. “Shit in your bed with all your might, sleep with peace on your mind and try to kiss your own behind.” Another letter, written on December 23, 1778, invited Maria to:“Come for a bit or else I’ll shit. If you do, this high and mighty person will think you very kind, will give you a smack behind, will kiss your hands, my dear, shoot off a gun in the rear, embrace you warmly, mind, and wash your front and behind, pay you all his debts to the uttermost groat, and shoot off one with a rousing note, perhaps even let something drop from his boat.”

To modern ears, these terms are quite peculiar; vulgar and rather strange things to say. However, there could be various reasons for Mozart’s anal references. Firstly, it could have been a family thing as Mozart’s mother; Anna Maria also wrote similar words to her husband. There was also a certain vulgar edge to German theatrical culture at the time, which could have rubbed off onto Mozart. Some historians have even speculated that Mozart had a form of Tourette’s. Either way, in 1781, Mozart and Maria met again- but the relationship had cooled. The letters stopped, and the cousins went their separate ways.

Other love letters written by a presidential candidate were written in a kind of code, to hide his antics.

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