16. Christian VII of Denmark’s obsession with his own penis worried his doctors and was just one reason why he wasn’t allowed to wield any real power
King Christian VII of Denmark is a regular feature on lists of ‘history’s maddest monarchs’ – and with good reason. According to Christian’s biographers, the future king showed an unhealthy obsession with masturbation from an early age. His guardians and his doctors were troubled, especially as he got older. Then, when he was crowned King of Denmark in January 1766, the head physician to the court explicitly warned Christian that if he didn’t curb his self-loving obsession, he risked not being able to father children.
When Christian was married to his 15-year-old cousin Caroline Mathilda, he showed no interest in his young wife. Indeed, he remarked that it was “unfashionable to love one’s wife”. Instead, he carried on pleasuring himself and frequenting the brothels of Copenhagen. By 1772, the rest of the royals had had enough. His half-brother was appointed regent of Denmark, with Christian’s own son taking over two years later. Unlike his father, the new regent showed no obsession with his own penis, nor did he inherit his old man’s habit of slapping visiting dignitaries around the face or leapfrogging over bowing courtiers.