21. A Homicidal Imperial Family
Emperor Augustus’ great grand-niece Valeria Messalina (circa 20 – 48 AD), who ended her days as empress, was also a cousin of the emperors Caligula and Nero. Along with Augustus’ daughter Julia, who was banished by her father for excessive promiscuity, contemporary writers described Messalina as one of the most notoriously promiscuous women in Roman history.
Her rise to empress began in 37 AD, when the future Emperor Claudius, thirty years her senior, picked her to be his third wife. As with many unions between young women and significantly older men, the marriage did not pan out. Aside from the age difference, Claudius was an exceptionally physically unappealing man: he limped, stuttered, and drooled. Those shortcomings led the imperial family to sideline him as an embarrassment and borderline idiot. He was no idiot – indeed, Claudius was a scholar and the Roman equivalent of a nerd. Still, he was not exactly the type to set pretty girls’ hearts aflutter. It would end in murder.