He then becomes risqué, arguing that the aging process begins at the top and works down in all upright animals, including humans, and that although the face and upper body may be showing the ravages of time the lower body likely is not.
He also points out that in the dark, “…all cats are gray…” and that “…enjoyment with an older woman is at least equal, and frequently superior…” when vision is obscured. Franklin makes an affair with an older woman virtuous “…They are so grateful…” while comparing it to the “…debauching of a virgin…” as ruinous to both lady and gentleman. He ends his letter with an admonition to heed his original advice, which is to enter the state of marriage, and closes as “…Your Affectionate Friend.”
Whether the letter was ever delivered – it was found in Franklin’s papers rather than the intended recipient’s, who is widely believed to have been Cadwaller Colton – or if Franklin was serious has been the subject of debate among historians and Franklin scholars. Satire was an important communication device of the day and was often presented in the form of letters.
Franklin was a practitioner of somewhat risqué writing; in his autobiography, he included a passage describing his own attempts at seduction. He famously produced an article on flatulence describing it as a natural act and thus nothing of which to be ashamed. It was entitled, Fart Proudly. He may well have written the letter with tongue in cheek.
But Franklin’s reputation and recorded events indicate a proclivity on his part for following his own advice. He maintained mistresses during his sojourn in London (on the trip to that post he became the first to chart the Gulf Stream) and again later in Paris. By the time he reached Paris, in 1777 he was in his seventies, but he rapidly became known as a ladies man in the Court of Louis XVI, then considered a virtue among the French.
Rumors of his fathering numerous children in Paris have long followed him, but considering his age this seems unlikely. Nonetheless, he was known for playing chess with women while he luxuriated in his bathtub, or playing a game with another man while the lady of the house soaked in the tub and discussed the game with the players.
By the time he got to Paris Franklin displayed a marked affinity for younger women, perhaps because at his age there were fewer of his generation around. Madame Brillon, a French aristocrat and member of the King’s Court of Versailles, was but 33 when she began what became a lengthy affair – probably platonic – with the American diplomat in Paris. Franklin penned numerous letters to her which were highly suggestive, and directly urged her to consummate their affair, but no historical evidence that they ever did so exists.
Read More: Was Ben Franklin a pig?
Franklin’s Advice to a Friend on Choosing a Mistress was censored during the 19th century, as Victorian prudence objected to the bawdy nature of its commentary. Sections of his Autobiography and other papers were likewise subjected to censorship laws in different jurisdictions across the United States.
At least a part of the motivation for suppressing the letter and similar documents was a desire to maintain the image of the Founders as morally upright, irreproachable men of character and sobriety. In the 20th century, Franklin’s letter was frequently cited in arguments for overturning obscenity laws. The argument was made that his letters demonstrated the true nature of life and correspondence of their age, rather than what Justice William O. Douglas called the “…Victorian hypocrisy,” of a later age.
“The First Amendment was the product of a robust, not a prudish, age…” Douglas wrote in a dissenting Supreme Court decision. “…None of the fathers of the country were any more concerned than Franklin with the question of pornography.” Over 250 years after it was written, Advice to a Friend on Choosing a Mistress is a window into its time, and while not necessarily sage advice, it remains pertinent to history.