28. The Pirates Thought Caesar Was Kidding When He Promised Revenge
For weeks, the Cilician pirates indulged their odd and seemingly overconfident captive. If they got too loud when he wanted to sleep, Julius Caesar would demand that they pipe down. He often recited speeches and poems that he had composed, and if they were less than appreciative, he would berate them as uncultured barbarians. He also told them that soon as he was freed, he would come back and crucify them all. They thought he was joking. He was not. After 38 days of captivity, Caesar’s ransom arrived, and he was set free. He immediately headed to Miletus, on the western coast of Asia Minor, and although he possessed no military or official authority whatsoever, raised an ad hoc naval force. He sailed back to the site of his captivity, where he surprised the pirates who had recently held him hostage, and captured them all.
Caesar took the captives to Pergamum, further up the coast of Asia Minor, and locked them up in a prison there. He then headed to Ephesus, the province’s capital, and demanded that the Roman governor do his duty and execute them. The governor however was corrupt, and began to scheme to set the pirates free in exchange for a hefty bribe – they had amassed plenty of booty in their years of piracy. Caesar was not having it. He returned to Pergamum, took the pirates out of the prison where he had thrown them, and on his own authority, had them all crucified. He showed them a bit of leniency, though, for old times’ sake. Rather than crucify them alive and leave them to die in excruciating pain, he had their throats slit first.