Philosopher Immobilized by Bullshit, and Eaten Alive by Dogs
The Ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus of Ephesus (535 – 475 BC) is credited with advancing the concept that the essence of the universe is constant change. To that end, he coined the phrase “no man ever steps into the same river twice“. It was intended to illustrate the notion that everything, like the ever moving droplets of water drifting downstream on a river, is in constant motion and flux, even if the motion is not readily perceptible. He also advanced a theory known as the “unity of opposites”, which held that the universe is a system of balanced exchanges, in which all things are paired in a relationship with those things exhibiting contrary properties.
Heraclitus was a highly introspective man, who did not come by his philosophy through learning at the hands of another philosopher, but was self taught. He was critical of other philosophers, had a dim view of humanity, and hated mobs and democracy. Instead, he preferred a system of rule by a few wise men – such as himself. That concept was later developed by Plato into the notion that the ideal ruler would be a philosopher-king. Deeming wealth a form of punishment, Heraclitus wished upon his fellow Ephesians, whom he hated, that they would be cursed with wealth as punishment for their sins.
In other words, Heraclitus was a pretty unpleasant man, and an out and out misanthrope. His misanthropy led him to avoid contact with other people for long stretches, during which he wandered alone through mountains and wilderness. During those wanderings, he survived on plants and whatever he could scavenge. As Diogenes summed him up: “finally, [Heraclitus] became a hater of his kind, and roamed the mountains, surviving on grass and herbs“.
Heraclitus became afflicted with dropsy, or edema – a painful accumulation of fluids beneath the skin and in the body’s cavities. Physicians could offer neither a cure nor relief, so Heraclitus, the self taught philosopher, applied his self teaching skills to medicine and tried to heal himself. He came up with an innovative cure by covering himself in cow dung, theorizing that the warmth of the manure would dry and draw out of him the “noxious damp humor”, or the fluids accumulated beneath his skin. Heraclitus went and covered himself in cow manure – literal bullshit. He then lay out in the sun to dry. However, as the cow dung dried, it solidified into a body cast. A pack of dogs came by, and started sniffing him. Immobilized in bullshit, Heraclitus was unable to shoo them off, and the dogs ended up eating him alive.