31. Cannibalism Agreed With Mr. and Mrs. Bean
Sawney Bean and his wife throve on cannibalism, and it did not take long before Agnes began pumping out baby Beans to brighten up their cave. The couple eventually produced fourteen children who survived past infancy, all of them raised on human flesh. As the Bean children grew up, they began sexing each other, and through incest, produced more Bean babies of their own.
Eventually, the clan numbered, in addition to Sawney and Agnes Bean, 8 sons, 6 daughters, 18 grandsons, and 14 granddaughters. As generations of Beans grew up in Bennane Cave, the expanding clan’s cannibalism cuisine skills became ever more refined, as they mastered the art of salting and pickling human flesh. Every now and then, nearby locals were surprised to come across preserved human body parts washing up on the area’s beaches.