23. Catherine the Great’s Death Involved No Horses, But It Was Embarrassing Just the Same
Russia expanded rapidly during Catherine the Great’s reign. To the west, the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth was partitioned with Austria and Prussia, with Russia getting the lion’s share. To the south, Crimea was conquered by the Ottoman Turks. The territories of Novorossiya – the Russian-speaking parts of modern Ukraine – were colonized. Colonization also stretched as far east to Alaska. Domestically, Catherine reformed Russia’s laws and administration and brought them closer to contemporary European standards. Then, after a long and successful reign, her death came an embarrassing demise in 1796.
Rumors circulated that Catherine died from injuries sustained while getting it on with a horse. The truth was less scandalous, but embarrassing all the same. The Tsarina was constipated, and during a heroic effort to force relief on the toilet, she overstrained herself and suffered a fatal stroke. When her loud gruntings ceased, maids waiting outside assumed that her majesty had finally found relief. They started getting nervous, however, as the minutes dragged on without Catherine emerging or summoning them. Eventually, they delicately inquired if all was well. Hearing no answer, they took a peek and found the Tsarina dead on the toilet.