22. To Say That The Founder of This Dynasty Had a Messed Up Family Life Would be to Understate Things
Although he had ordered Mariamne’s execution, Herod exhibited intense grief for her passing. He often broke into uncontrollable fits of sobbing, went into a deep depression, and was unable to let her go. That is, he was literally unable to let her go. According to the Talmud, Herod had his dead wife’s body preserved in honey, and he continued to make love to the corpse for seven whole years. The Talmud described it as Herod “fulfilling his animalistic desires” with the cadaver. It wasn’t just icky, but also sticky: Herod had supposedly preserved Mariamne’s corpse with honey.
Understandably, Herod’s children by Mariamne resented the fact that he had ordered their mother to be put down, or that he had continued to get it on with her corpse. So they grew up with a fractious relationship with their father. Two, in particular, Alexander and Aristobulus, did a poor job of hiding their resentment of Herod. That led him to suspect them of plotting against him to avenge their mother. So Herod imprisoned Alexander in 10 BC, and three years later, had him and his brother Aristobulus charged with treason. Both were convicted, and Herod ordered his sons strangled in 7 BC, giving rise to Augustus’ quip that it was better to be Herod’s pig than his son.