“I Am the First in the East“
Once he established himself in Newburyport, Timothy Dexter decided to become an international businessman, and bought some ships. He also bought a lavish carriage with his initials embossed, and filled a stable with beautiful cream colored horses to pull it. To round it off, he built himself an eighteenth century version of a McMansion, with a great sea view. Dexter’s tastes weren’t exactly what you’d call classy, and he went for the garish and tacky to furnish and bling it out. However, it was the most expensive garish and tacky stuff that money could buy. It included what passed in those days for the height of comfort in outhouses. On the grounds of his luxury pad, Dexter set up rows of columns, fifteen feet tall or more, and commissioned dozens of wooden statues of famous people to slap on top of them.
Prominently displayed, directly in front of Dexter’s door, stood a wooden George Washington. To his right was John Adams, and to his left, stood Thomas Jefferson. Other columns throughout the grounds were topped with assorted generals, philosophers, politicians, statesmen, Indian chiefs, and the occasional goddess. A statue of Dexter was included in the mix, with an inscription in which he labeled himself “Lord Timothy Dexter“, and went on to add: “I am the first in the East, the first in the West, and the greatest philosopher in the Western world“. Not bad, for a man whose education stopped at age eight, and who had never read a philosophy book. Whatever his faults, low self-esteem was not an issue that plagued the eccentric entrepreneur.