You Could Have Intimacy Before Marriage
The sagas never mention any intimacy, but it was fairly common for young unmarried couples to have secret meetings. Especially those forbidden to marry. The sagas make constant reference to “the illicit love visit.” Even though the sagas do not mention more physical affection happening, it is highly unlikely the young man would risk a secret tryst simply to ‘talk’ to the object of his affections. The lovers, however, were said to ‘enjoy’ each other. A document detailing a wife’s dissatisfaction with her impotent husband because she couldn’t ‘enjoy‘ him suggests this is a term linked to conjugal intimacy. While this was not illegal, the ideal for women was virginity and purity. Once again, the texts always seem to point towards it reflecting the honor of the family – specifically fathers, brothers, uncles… the male family.
This intimacy would become especially tricky if an illegitimate child became involved. This restriction was not for moral reasons. Illegitimate sons could become their father’s heirs- if he recognized them. Rather, society censured Illegitimacy because of the burden it placed on the maternal family, not because it was deemed wrong or shameful. So this burden of an illegitimate child would fall on the shoulders of the mother’s family. And the father and his family (if marriage was not considered) were only responsible for two-thirds of the financial support provided. In typical patriarchal tradition, women suffered worse repercussions from these secret trysts than the men did. If a man was promiscuous prior to marriage, it did not matter as long as he planned on getting married in the end. If he did not marry, however, he would be considered a social outcast.