The King Who Ordered the Massacre of the Innocents
Herod the Great (74 BC – circa 1 AD) was a Roman client king of Judea whose massive building projects include the Second Temple in Jerusalem, and the fortress of Masada. He is best known from the Christian Gospels as the king who ordered the Massacre of the Innocents when Jesus was born. That, however, is probably not what would’ve gotten him banned from Tinder. Less known is that Herod was also a pervert of the grossest kind. He married into the royal Jewish Hasmonean Dynasty, and tied the knot with Princess Mariamne, one of the last Hasmonean heirs. Herod then killed her relatives to remove contenders for the throne, and got the Romans to make him king of the Jews. Mariamne was stunningly beautiful, and Herod was crazy about her – but not in a good way. He was passionately in love with her, and was also crazy jealous.
While Herod loved Mariamne, she did not feel the same. It was understandable: Herod had killed her brother and uncle, and Herod’s father had killed Mariamne’s father. Nonetheless, Herod had five children with her. Like Shakespeare’s Othello, the tensions got too much, and Herod destroyed the object of his affections and obsessions. Mariamne hated Herod, and raised the kids to hate him as well. So Herod eventually had Mariamne executed, as well as his two older sons with her. Even though he ordered her death, was unable to let her go. That is, he was literally unable to let her go. He engaged in egregious acts of necrophilia with his poor late wife’s body.