10 Strange Dating Tips From the Victorian Era

10 Strange Dating Tips From the Victorian Era

Alexander Meddings - December 15, 2017

10 Strange Dating Tips From the Victorian Era
Illustration of a “coming out” ceremony in 1893 in which prospective ladies would meet Victoria and kiss her hand. Kate Tattersall Adventures

Start by “coming out”

When a woman decided she was interested in seeking out a potential suitor, she would announce that she was “coming out”. This clearly carried an entirely different meaning to the one it does today. Far from being a declaration of sexuality, it meant that the girl was interested in attending events where she could meet a prospective match. The announcement had to be made, however, because to attend such events the woman needed the explicit permission of her mother. Only after stating her intent could her chaperones be organized (because heaven forbid she went out without the appropriate supervision).

While this is what a young woman did to “come out”, what the family did to announce it depended entirely on their wealth and class. Rich families might accompany the announcement with a series of parties or even a royal visit. Middle-class families might hold a celebratory feast. Lower-class families might not formally celebrate the announcement at all—the young woman displaying her availability by wearing her hair up, donning long dresses, and accompanying family members to social events such as church services, church dinners, and festive balls.

Once a girl had come out she would wait until she was “in season.” Nope, this has nothing to do with the reproductive calendar. It refers to the four months of the year (from April through to July) where upper-class families up and down the country would send their teenage daughters to London. After flocking there en masse, the upper classes would congregate at a series of balls and dances for the purpose of the meeting, matching, and reproducing the next generation of the upper classes.

Having arrived at one of these events, the race was on to find someone with whom to “make love”. Again, this is a phrase of which the meaning has changed considerably over time. Making love in the Victorian Age meant seeking out someone who might one day come to love you. Much like still do now, just not on Tinder. As you might expect from the Victorians, however, the process was strictly controlled.

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